Marriage

February 14, 2013

First came love…

20130213-131106.jpg

Then came marriage…

20130213-131148.jpg

Then came our baby in a baby carriage…

20130213-131234.jpg

A couple weeks ago one of my Facebook friends posted a status saying,{paraphrased} despite what you see on the Internet through social media no ones’s marriage is perfect. I’ve thought about this a lot. Yes I was fully aware that my or anyone else’s marriage is flawed. Marriage is the union of two flawed people. However what I do love about social media is that it is one of the few places that people do talk so positively about their spouses. We need more positive spouse talk. We are bombarded with the media telling us marriage is the death of happiness or having kids is awful. Have you ever been in a group of women and one person says something negative about her husband? It’s like she opened the floodgates and the complaints start rolling out of everyone’s mouths. Positive talk leads to positive feelings. When you start highlighting the things in your mate that are good, you begin to see them as good, so I say publicly affirm all you want!

Are there things that I would change about my husband? You betcha, and I’m sure he could tell you a thing or two that he’d like to fix in me, but we’ve both grown to a place of acceptance. In our early married days I treated everyday as an opportunity to air my grievances. If Andrew did something I didn’t like or did something in a way that was different from “my way” I would tell him. Then one day it occurred to me, Andrew was a person before me. He lived alone for many years, he washed his own clothes, cleaned his own dishes and ,gasp, he even cooked for himself!! He doesn’t need me, he wants me. So then I began trying to be someone I would want to live with.

Enter our sweet Ellery, I realized before I had her that I like to control things and I often think my way is THE way. I decided before I had her that despite how I felt I was going to start leaving Ellery at least a couple hours a week with Andrew. Dads play different, they play rough, they are loud, they like to rile up the babe as we are getting ready for bed and I decided the last thing I wanted to do was destroy his “dadness” so I leave them alone. He plays however he wants, he puts her to bed and I come home refreshed from my time alone, it’s a win win. I think our marriage has actually gotten better with a baby because for the first time I actually have a very tangible way of communicating that I trust and respect him. And from what I’ve gathered, Andrew couldn’t give a rip about being loved, and saying “I respect you” is kind of weird!

It’s true, no marriage is perfect, but I believe whole heartedly that every marriage can get better if both people want it to. It’ll take work, patience, understanding, compromise, communication, putting their needs above yours, love, respect, and a huge heaping spoonful of grace, but it can get better. And remember next time you go to bash your husband, ultimately you are criticizing your taste in men, you did choose him after all.

{And before I get a nasty gram, yes I know there are circumstances out there that don’t fit into this pretty little box. If you are in a relationship that is a hazard to your health I obviously would never advise you to stay and put you or your children in danger}

Give me an Inch

January 30, 2013

I will take a mile. Well, with Andrew at least. I am just now starting to realize this, it’s only taken me 5 years. A couple weekends ago I asked Andrew if he would give me 10 minutes in his closet going through his clothes, getting rid of stuff he doesn’t wear and seeing if he needs anything. He told me he’d give me 7 *wink*. An hour, or maybe two, later he told me that if he gives me an inch I will take a mile, and I would have to agree. The good thing is we cleared out all the stuff he doesn’t wear and he discovered a lot of things that he forgot he had and it was like he got new clothes.

Monday I caught myself again. I am sometimes irrational. I haven’t been this irrational since pregnancy we were getting ready to leave for Boston 2 weeks ago. For some reason the dishes were totally overwhelming me. They were piled in the sink and in a panic I asked Andrew if he could do just 5, then I added the dinner dishes and then he said, well why don’t I just do all of them? We worked together and in a matter of minutes, literally 10 minutes, all the dishes were done and I felt so much better! At this point I said to Andrew, “my goodness God knew just what he was doing when He paired us up.” Somehow Andrew calms me down when I go spinning out of control and when he gets a little out of sorts I usually have the sense to get him back on track.

Hopefully I’ll learn to be content with just an inch before Andrew stops giving me even that.

Quatro

August 9, 2012

Four years ago today Andrew and I wed.  We were young and stupid and I’m so thankful for that.  I think had either of us known the trials life and marriage brings we would have had a harder time signing up for this.  We are both so glad we did though.  I wouldn’t want to share my life with anyone else and the past few weeks have affirmed that I wouldn’t want to parent with anyone else either. Having a baby really does change everything, I am more in love with my man after he became the father of my child.  My love grows for him all the time, but going through the pregnancy and birth of our babe catapulted my love forward.  When we got married we thought we had our life all figured out, little did we know most of those things would change and our life would look so different than we planned.  After 4 years I can tell you this, we have a beautiful home, a beautiful life, a beautiful love, and an absolutely beautiful daughter.  Not what we planned, but pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

Here is the verse Andrew picked out for our 4th year of marriage.  Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20

3.

August 9, 2011

Today we’ve been married for 3 years.  When people ask us if it feels like it’s been 3 whole years we look at each other, chuckle, and say it feels like it’s been a lot longer.  Here is our 3 years in recap in no particular order… We’ve lived in 2 cities.  Purchased our first home.  Lived with family.  Dreamed together.  Grieved the loss of dreams.  Battled crazy depression.  Received incredible healing.  Had 7 jobs between the two of us.  Started a side wedding flower business.  Ended said flower business.  Became an aunt and uncle twice.  Fought. Laughed a lot.  Looked for a job for almost a year.  Finished a PhD in Chemistry.  Grew and left an amazing small group.  Started a new group in Austin. Traveled: Martha’s Vineyard, Boston, Raynham, St.Louis, Madison, Somewhere in Michigan, Somewhere in Wisconsin.  Supported each other.  Started and finished Lost, Battlestar, Everwood, 24, and Friday Night Lights.  Gained weight.  Lost weight. Gained it all back again.  Prayed together.  Confronted issues.  Worked on said issues, alot. Became absolute best friends.

Roach, I mean Beetle

July 19, 2011

Apparently due to the drought in Texas right now people are experiencing a surge of beetles in their homes.  We are no exception.  We’ve lately been finding large black beetle bugs in our bathroom and bedroom and let me just say the scene that takes place from the moment I scream ROACH until it is killed is quite entertaining.  I’m a relatively dramatic person.  Last night I was picking up the house and standing in my bedroom doorway when I saw a big black bug scurrying across the floor.  I of course start screaming terrified of this harmless bug and Andrew comes rushing in like my knight in shining armor to rescue me.  He grabs the raid (our current killing tool of choice) and begins the hunt for the bug that has now crawled under our bed.  I store my paint clothes under my bed, not really sure why, I guess they are already so dirty that I store them in a dirty place.  So Andrew picks up my clothes shakes them out and out jumps the beetle.  It scurries over to our drapes and Andrew proceeds to douse the drapes in Raid to kill this bug.  I have no clue what’s going on because I am too terrified to get close enough to watch the action, but when all is said and done Andrew says, ” do you think I ruined the curtains by spraying them with Raid?”  I’m thinking who in their right mind sprays fabric with Raid, but I was so thankful that he got rid of the bug that I didn’t even care all that much.  I put our raid drench dry clean only drapes in the washing machine and when I checked them this morning they looked perfect.  So Andrew spray away….I hate roaches, I mean beetles.

Coldest Photo Shoot EVER

December 11, 2010

Here are a few of the pictures that will not be making the cut for our Christmas card, but these are some of my favorites!  I’ll post our actual picture when we post our Christmas letter…hopefully we’ll get that together before December 25th!

In case you don't have facebook here's my bozo hair picture

Love that face...Andrew's that is

This would be my choice for Christmas card because it most captures our relationship, but I know people wouldn't want this on their fridge!

It was cold, 7 degrees, and we were out there with NO COATS

I like this one, but there are better ones so we won't be using this one either.

This was a mini session…it took us a total of 30 minutes start to finish and we got some good ones. Jenna is AMAZING, we appreciate her more than we could ever express!

Madison

August 12, 2010

This past Sunday and Monday Andrew and I got away for our 2nd anniversary trip.  When people ask us if we can believe it’s already been 2 years we both kind of chuckle and say, “well actually it feels like it’s been a lot longer than that.”  There are many reasons we feel that way, but that’s for another post another day.  This post is to serve as a little scrap book of our trip because if you’ve every met me you know that I will not be a scrap booker…clutter much?  So here is a very short recap of our lovely trip.  Sorry for the horrible picture quality…our cameras are ancient!

Our room at the Speckled Hen Inn. It was a very nice place to stay if you ever want to get away to Madison we would definitely recommend staying here. It was a llama farm, how cool is that?

This was the restaurant we ate at called Fresco, it's on top of the Museum of Contemporary Art. Very neat, good food and it's mostly local stuff. Pricey, but I'd say it's worth it.

Here we are on the roof of the Museum overlooking Madison...still shocked by the blonde when I see pictures.

The state capital was gorgeous, I kept commenting to Andrew that they must have spent a fortune and he kept reminding me that it was probably built hundreds of years ago.

We also went and saw Inception which was entertaining to say the least.  We went to The Old Fashioned for lunch on Capital Square…would recommend the cheese curds, but only if you have a steel stomach, stopped by Candinas and got a couple chocolates and enjoyed a cupcake at the Daisy Cafe and Cupcakery.  This trip was definitely worth the 4 hour drive and I came back feeling SO refreshed and more loved than ever.

SO.TIRED.

May 10, 2010

Andrew and I didn’t really sleep all weekend.  For some reason it was either too hot or too cold in our bedroom all night long.  Then half the night Andrew would toss and turn to try to get comfortable and that would wake me up.  Saturday night I got up twice sick to my stomach.  Then to top it all off we had to be up relatively early every morning.  GRRR I’m so tired and all I want to do is crawl in bed, BY MYSELF and sleep all day…no offense Andrew, but I want all the covers and I want to lay across the ENTIRE bed.  Next purchase, King Size Bed!

I Am Heard

May 3, 2010

Andrew showed me this weekend that he listens to me, like REALLY listens to me.  He hears the underlying action narrative that we all have.  You know the things you do, not just what you say.  He told me he had a surprise for me at work, he told me everyday last week and then finally revealed it on Saturday.  It was a mix of different songs: worship, pop, songs I’ve heard, some that I hadn’t.  We listened to it on Saturday while we deep cleaned our bedroom and it was sheer bliss.  Each time a song would come on I would GASP in shock that he knew I loved the song.  It was as if I didn’t realize he noticed every time I turned up a song on the radio or belted it at the top of my lungs.  The mix of songs was splendid, but the true gift was that my husband gets me, he hears me, and he cares!

A Wonderful Weekend

April 18, 2010

Andrew and I had a wonderful weekend.  It was actually surprisingly great considering we were both super busy.  Andrew had class Friday afternoon and Saturday morning.  I taught a class Saturday morning and was on for worship for 3 services at church and then I worked 12:30 to 5:00 at Bella.  Here are a few highlights:

1. Friday night Andrew went for drinks with some friends from class so I was able to get dolled up without him being home…this is my favorite because it feels like we are actually going on a real date.

2.  We went to Jupiter’s and they messed up our food so they had to remake it.  This resulted in us waiting an hour longer than expected, but a FREE MEAL.  Yeah that was pretty sweet that date night was free.  And the extended time of us sitting there caused us to talk more and we actually had some good conversations.

3.  Due to date night being so cheap we decided we could spend that money and go on another date on Saturday afternoon, yep that’s right 2 dates in 1 weekend…heaven!

4.  We went to my old high school for me to participate in the dedication of the Aldridge Auditorium and it was delightful to be a part of it.

5.  We went out for our friend’s 21st birthday and the party started at 11:45, usually we are getting to bed by then, but we thought hey, why not.  We ended up having a great time and staying out past 1AM.  As we were walking to our car I turned to Andrew and said, “Man I feel young again and I love it.”  I think we are going to try to do this more often.

6.  Baptism Sunday is one of my favorites and that’s what we had today and I had a front row seat.  After service I went to work and had a great time with all the ladies.

7.  When I got home Andrew was at the grocery store getting dinner so I got to do some chores to get ready for the week.  After dinner we took a walk and then came home and started watching…you guessed it…LOST!

8. I fell in love all over again this weekend.  I never fell out of love with Andrew, but this weekend my heart grew bigger for him.  I’m not even really sure why, but it feels really nice.  I feel like Will Ferrel on Elf when he runs into his dad’s office and says, “I’m in love, I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it!”  What a difference a weekend can make.

I truly hope that your weekend was rejuvenating…back to reality tomorrow!